WORD VOMIT…🚨🚨🚨 My life has been kissed with the blessing/curse of being a late bloomer. I’m a Scorpio Rising (aka Scorpio 1st House) with Saturn sitting in that house as well. Astrologically speaking, the first house is the house of identity and self and Saturn is the planet of structure, time, limits and boundaries. So with Scorpio themes of transformation and change and Saturn themes of limits… I feel like I’m constantly learning lessons and learning my limits. It can be exhausting… This morning while dancing I had some pretty shitty conversations going on with the mirror… “You are too old to be doing this…” “You are too late for this…” “You are wasting your time… you should be doing something more productive…” “You are too slow of a learner…” “You’ll never be able to keep up in a live class…” For the life of me I couldn’t/can’t get the timing on this routine. I did it over and over and over again. There was a lot of comparison going on, and I really fucking hate when I do that to myself. I’ve been a slow learner my whole life, and at 38 years old, I’ve come to terms with my learning curve. But today the curve was winding and uphill and left me feeling depleted and defeated. I almost talked myself out of the progress I’ve made. See, once upon a time, about 20 years ago, I was a beautiful dancer. Learning choreography has always been a challenge for me, but I had enough confidence in my technique and skill set to know that once I was able to wrap my head around the moves, my body would follow suit. Coming back to dance later in life has proved to be incredibly humbling. Rebuilding my body and skills is taking me longer than I would have ever anticipated. I have a family now, a son and partner that take up the time I once had to train… or really do anything. And as much as I love them, I find myself feeling slightly, dare I say, jaded. Longing for more “me time”.  I left the studio feeling frustrated and irritated. I went and picked up my son from nursery school and his excitement to see me lifted my spirits and reminded me that everything… everyone… blooms in their own time. I waited years for him to come in to my life, and he reminds me everyday what the phrase “worth the wait” really means… even though as I type this his squirrely ass is climbing all over me begging to play… I digress... All this to say, I believe Nelly Nell said it best in his most poetic song, Pimp Juice, when he said, “you ain’t from Russia, so bitch why you rushin’?!”… his wise words will serve as my new mantra when learning, dancing… living. I’ll get it when I can, and when I do, it will feel amazing. Until then, I’m devoted to enjoying the process. Embracing my Late Bloomer-ness, and trusting in Divine Timing.

Posted by kristinrezinas at 2023-11-29 23:05:26 UTC